| Do you have... |
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| 06:01pm 05/11/2009 |
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...that friend who is always just too excited to show you pictures of how wonderful their life is? Like pictures of them in Hawaii or Cabo Wabo, whatever the fuck... Or their wedding day or honeymoon or them kissing their boyfriend or husband? I hate that friend.
So, to MY that friend. Fuck you, I want you out of my life. (not really, but you are seriously depressing me.) |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| how 'bout this |
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| 05:59pm 05/11/2009 |
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Sometimes I think I really am crazy.
Me: "What is this whore? Get outta my face with your dirty butt!" |
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| Night Terrors Part 3 |
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| 03:26am 18/09/2009 |
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mood:  scared
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I just woke up screaming from the most frightening and scary dream/movie of all time.
It was very fucked up and scary that I figured I needed to get it down before I forgot. And I know it was because I was trying to sleep while streaming a movie called Ed Gein - The Butcher of Plainfield. Kane Hodder (jason voorhees) as Ed Gein? I don't think so.
So, my dream (very short) started with me sleeping and hearing all kinds of things going on around me. Well, then there were two men in my bed and one started like having sex with me. My eyes were closed the whole time. And I'd be a liar if I said I didn't start enjoying it.
Well, I realized that one of the voices was my best friend Jason (not the one having sex with me), so I opened my eyes. I never saw his face because there was a black smudging over it the whole time. So, I started touching him. He didn't like it and kept pushing me to the other guy. It was like he was there to watch me have sex with this guy. (that's not new, that happened on a few drunken nights...poor jas)
Jason got up very suddenly and started yelling, got up and left. It was the first time I noticed that there were a LOT of people in my apartment. So, this totally different guy came over to me and started talking to me... He said, "What's wrong with Jason?" I said, "He's done coke, hasn't he?" He confirmed that he had. So, then I was like fighting through all of the people in my apartment trying to get to my bathroom. I seemed to have a lot of long halls in my place. There were people fucking each other EVERYWHERE. They were taking naughty pictures of themselves and putting them on the internet... I ran into this girl, who looked familiar, and said, "WHO ARE YOU? Do you belong in my house?" She did. It was a co-workers girlfriend. She kept saying, "Yes, it's ****, Robs girlfriend." I don't actually remember her name.
I must've gotten dressed because I was outside, really late night. There were TONS of people. I was trying to get to the CTA. It was actually the Berwyn stop, not Granville. I lived on that street when I first moved to Chicago. Well, there were people making out everywhere and just hanging, like waiting for a bus. So, I'm running toward the train and just like out of a horror movie this HUGE man jumped out of a doorway right in front of me. He grabbed me, I screamed. He was mumbling and I didn't understand what he was saying. He had a hold of both of my fists and kept moving me back towards the intersection of Winthrop and Berwyn. He finally stopped and I was FREAKING OUT, screaming, etc. Well, he let go and started chanting, "I'm so sorry, didn't mean to scare you (blah blah)" My response was, "OK fine! Just please stop touching me with your spider hands!"
I MUST describe this guy. He was very tall and African-American. His face was kind of mongoloid, like the guy from The Hills Have Eyes (also in this Ed Gein movie). He walked like a hunchback and had gangly arms. But, the WORST were his hands. They were giant and skeletal and really looked like a smashed spider. I really felt so sick to my stomach that he was touching me. Well, Kimberli Calka (friend from AIU... I don't know why she was there, but whatever) was there chatting with 2 other girls and the mongoloid man. I was collecting myself and trying to calm down. Mongoloid came back and started getting kinda crazy and grabbing me with those fucking SPIDER HANDS!!! So, I freaked and he disappeared and I just fell on the ground. I was hyperventilating. I just kept trying to say, "Please stop touching me!" over and over, but I couldn't catch my breath. Kim kept saying, "Pilchie are you ok?"
I forced myself awake. Actually that guy looked a lot like the Black cook from The Shining, only WAY scarier. I am so glad that is over. Also, there was a lot more weirdness from before I left the apartment involving Jason... I just don't remember details. |
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| More Night Terrors |
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| 11:05pm 12/08/2009 |
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mood: nervous
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Last night or maybe the night before I had a terrifying nightmare about my cat, Kiki.
Kiki has (in real life) a big cyst on the back of her head/neck. It's gross, but it doesn't hurt her and I, honestly can't afford the surgery to remove it. I spoke to a Vet and he said she'd be fine. He even said I could lance it and that would probably work. But, I don't want to risk that infection getting worse. So, we let it be for now.
In my nightmare, the only thing I remember was that I was talking to someone and I looked down at Kiki. Well, she had a face similar to the new Cheshire cat in Tim Burtons Alice. And she was looking very distraught/confused, like the thing was causing her pain. The cyst started to swell and it blew up so big that it was like a clear balloon. I was so scared and screaming 'Oh my GOD'. But I was afraid to touch her, because she looked almost rabid now. My poor little Kik-els.
Then the most terrifying and disgusting thing happened. The cyst started sucking her inside it and as she went inside she FUCKING EVAPORATED!!!!!! She fucking turned to dust.
All I could do was watch... then I woke up VERY scared. YIKES! |
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Read 1 - Post |
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| Cleaning House |
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| 03:36am 30/07/2009 |
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Sifting through old folders I've found that I was never what I said I was.
I'll never be who I wanted to be.
I'm just an old man with ink smudged on his fingers.
It was bliss, at the time. Now it is different. |
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| My Little Voice |
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| 11:10pm 12/06/2009 |
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mood:  annoyed music: Female Trouble on telly
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I'm still trying to figure out why I have developed this stammer.
I know that often times stammering or stuttering is a result of trying to speak so quickly to just get your thoughts out before you are cut off. Well, it is making it increasingly difficult to speak to customers, who often end up looking at me like I'm drunk or retarded.
Then I started paying attention to all of my conversations...
I never got to finish one fucking thought. Everyone is so self-absorbed. It seems that people will ask you your opinion just to interrupt and give theirs. Then don't fucking ask me mine, just give yours and then shut the fuck up.
So, I just will start giving people the most simple, one word responses as I can. They wouldn't care anyway. And in the meantime I have this stammer goes away. |
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| Children = Sadness |
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| 10:33pm 07/06/2009 |
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mood:  cranky
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I'm thinking about children growing up today and how unfortunate they are.
My thoughts are still jumbled about this, but they just make me sad. They are forced into a world where it's just 'violence, violence, violence'. And parents don't control them; clothes, music, television, movies, video games. Little girls dress and act provocative at such early ages. Boys are acting like a 'gansta' culture that is like a cancer among the African-American community. They have such a sense of entitlement that they aren't prepared for how the real world works.
Kids today don't learn in school. School has become more about popularity and showing off your 'bling' than anything. They are churning kids out who can barely read at a college level. I mean, I'll be the first to admit that I should have been help back my senior year. But, teachers pushed me through, mainly because they felt sorry for me. Now, that is my opinion, really. But, I was failing almost all of my classes right before graduation.
Clearly, I'm not an idiot. However, I'm not the average.
Anyway, I'm just playing with these ideas and haven't thought them out all the way. I am also afraid these days of offending anyone with my words. I tend to tell it like I see it in my writing.
Like right now, there is a Safeway Auto Insurance commercial on with all Hispanic actors, that has a soccer theme and offers a free phone card. It's so interesting how the Mexican culture is working it's way into the 'melting pot' finally. Just a thought. |
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| Big Mouth Strikes Again |
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| 02:34pm 04/06/2009 |
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mood: annoyed music: Casey Stratton - Poker Face (Lady GaGa cover)
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It is so hard for me to have a conversation with someone online. I've really tried to reel in this so-called 'brutal honesty'. Because really it just means you are an asshole. My mom used to say, 'just because it's true doesn't mean people need to hear it.' Which is very true. But, I say what I feel and I'm never trying to be mean *anymore*.
Anyway, I'd just rather not try to have a conversation online with anyone... It will be misconstrued. Especially by somebody who doesn't know my mannerisms at all. I'll say it again, but SO much of my personality is non-verbal and mannerisms.
BAH, fuck it. |
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Read 6 - Post |
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| Desperation |
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| 10:53am 02/06/2009 |
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There is something so desperate about the ads posted on the M4M section of Craigslist. I'm a vouyer so, I like to look at them. But, I always end up feeling SO bad for those guys. It's so unhealthy mentally. Most gay men have a sexual addiction of some kind, which is very unhealthy. I'm no Mother Theresa and can't save anyone... but, I just wish people would get educated about the effects that internet sex is having. :( |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| My social retardism and obsession with solitude |
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| 08:26pm 30/05/2009 |
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mood: annoyed
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So, my favourite Aunt, who I love very much sends me an email today, which of course I only half read. Apparently, I have a cousin, who I'm assuming is near to my age, living in Wrigleyville. Well, a relative of ours just died and my aunt saw him at the wake. Well, she thought it'd be great if he and I got together for dinner or a drink before he moves out of the city to live with his aunt to save money. No biggie, right?
Well, I re-read the email and realized it said, "I love you both" in the signature. SHE HAD CC'D HIM ON THE EMAIL!!!! WTF????
I mean, really, the sad thing is that I was never going to call or email him. But, now if I don't I'm an asshole! Doesn't my family know what a weird, crazy hermit I am???? I severly doubt that my distant cousin, who shares a last name with me, is going to be too eager to hang out with his social phobic, gay stoner cousin... you know?
oye.
*edit*
He's like 24, straight kid... yeah, he definitely wants to hang out with his 30 y/o gay cousin. |
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| Oh, Gays... |
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| 03:15am 15/05/2009 |
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It's just more disappointment.
Instead of informing you on what lame whores you were being in a public bathroom and telling you to get a room; it becomes "Hey, dudes. You should come to my place and play. I'll blow you both."
And you, with the wedding ring. You're lucky I didn't know which one was your wife.
I'd assist her in the Alimony checks of her dreams.
Slutty, slutty gays. When will you learn? |
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| My reasoning. |
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| 05:04pm 11/05/2009 |
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I posted those lyrics because, as a person who I feel is or has been discriminated against, I am very affected by this song. Michael was angry, and I don't blame him.
I think these lyrics are very pertinent to the gay rights struggle going on right now.
I love you, Michael. Stay strong. |
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| Michael Jackson - They Don't Really Care About Us |
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| 05:01pm 11/05/2009 |
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Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, aggravation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
Bang bang, shot dead
Everybody's gone mad
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
Beat me, hate me
You can never break me
Will me, thrill me
You can never kill me
Jew me, sue me
Everybody do me
Kick me, kike me
Don't you black or white me
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
Tell me what has become of my life
I have a wife and two children who love me
I am the victim of police brutality, now
I'm tired of bein' the victim of hate
You're rapin' me of my pride
for God's sake
I look to heaven to fulfill its prophecy...
Set me free
Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
trepidation, speculation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
black man, black male
Throw your brother in jail
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
Tell me what has become of my rights
Am I invisible because you ignore me?
Your proclamation promised me free liberty, now
I'm tired of bein' the victim of shame
They're throwing me in a class with a bad name
I can't believe this is the land from which I came
You know I do really hate to say it
The government don't wanna see
But if Roosevelt was livin'
He wouldn't let this be, no, no
Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, speculation
Everybody litigation
Beat me, bash me
You can never trash me
Hit me, kick me
You can never get me
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
Some things in life they just don't wanna see
But if Martin Luther was livin'
He wouldn't let this be
Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, segregation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
Kick me, strike me
Don't you wrong or right me
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us |
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| My Frustration |
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| 10:11am 21/04/2009 |
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I have not paid my taxes this year. I am debating whether or not I will.
I'm tired of living in a country where I am a 2nd class citizen. Priveleged straight couples who marry and divorce with the seasons.... some fucking religious ceremony.
What upsets me about Miss California isn't her views on gay marriage. It's that she is an idiot who didn't even ANSWER THE QUESTION! She used that platform to spread her hate... and now the religious right has taken her in and splashed her on all the morning news shows to attest to her faith... and she's the victim because the horrible, evil, gay asked her a question. How strong of her to assert her opinion. NOW she's talking about going out and talking to kids about standing up for her opinion. So, we're going to let this bimbo tell our kids that Gay Marriage is wrong?
My rage makes me want to fucking slit her throat... and I mean it.
The fear in her eyes, while answering that question, gave me an erection. Fucking Stupid Whore! |
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| Some Black Chicks Tongue |
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| 11:01pm 20/04/2009 |
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Princess Clara: What is this thing in my mouth? / It's slippery and it's slimy / Travelling down my slender virgin pink esophagus. / Some black chick's tongue. / It's such a new sensation.
Foxxy Love: I got a mayonnaise mama on my lickin' hole / And we've only just begun...
Princess Clara: It's really quite thrilling...
Foxxy Love: It's right. Now you know...
Princess Clara: I can taste a filling...
Foxxy Love: And it's solid gold...
Princess Clara: I never dreamed I would be so willing / To let myself go.
Foxxy Love: Tell me about it! / I'm totally frenching a racist 'ho!
Princess Clara, Foxxy Love: This black chick's tongue
Princess Clara: What a wonderful feeling
Foxxy Love: Damn where'd this bitch get her earrings?
Princess Clara: I've never had so much fun
Princess Clara, Foxxy Love: As with this black chick's tongue. |
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| LJ 10 Year Reunion |
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| 08:07am 16/04/2009 |
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just a boy, just an ordinary boy..."
11:39am 24/07/2002
mood: giddy
music: Vanessa Carlton - Ordinary Day
BOMD just called and left me a message...*insert elation*. he has apparently gotten the flu, or some reasonable facsimilie. so, on the down, i am being "postponed" this evening. but, on the up, he did call!
downloaded some of the new Tori Amos songs this morning...they all sound pretty similar. i wasn't too terribly impressed. she sings so boringly lately. like there is no enthusiasm for her own music. i'm sure it will all grow on me. ahh well...
had looong chat with mr. san diego last night...was great. i wish he lived here in chicago. i swear he'd be my new best friend, if not my temporary boyfriend. |
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| AHA! What Was so Funny |
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| 08:51pm 11/04/2009 |
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2nd most stoner thing to come out of my mouth...
"Oooh, I'm like, totally into WATCHING this movie right now, and like absorbing it..." |
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| Me in my head, to myself... |
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| 08:48pm 11/04/2009 |
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I just got all excited about something I was writing in my head.
By the time I got LJ to open to post about it... I typed a few words and said to myself, "What is this about?" And I couldn't remember what was so funny. |
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| I Feel... |
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| 08:33am 09/04/2009 |
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... that facebook will be the end of Livejournal.
Lucky for you, I will write things on Livejournal that I won't on Facebook. I still use it as a journal and in the future will only use facebook for funny videos and witty one liners.
I don't want Livejournal to die simply because everyone has ADD. |
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solace1979's journal